I had a realization this weekend which has led me onto a new path in my life. I sat down at a casino poker table for the first time in a while on Saturday, and I lost $500. I wasn’t phased; it wasn’t the first time I’d had a bad night. So, I went back the next day, and I won $1280. Again, I wasn’t really that phased; it wasn’t the first time I’d had a good night. I went home and proceeded to count my bankroll, like I do after every poker game. The total came to $8785. I was phased.
I had started a journey of self improvement about 3 years ago. During this journey I had become remarkably skilled with women, had gotten on an exercise regimen, traveled through England, learned all sorts of useful skills, worked many careers, started my own company, and a number of other things. About 9 months ago, I included poker in that improvement journey. I had been good at poker, but I decided to take a shot and see if I could build a good bankroll through solid management and consistent wins. I started with $500, and I turned it into $9000 in about 6 months. Since then, however, my bankroll hasn’t grown; it has been hovering around that $9000 mark. The reason for this, I suppose, is that I deviated from my bankroll management system. I figured, hey, I have 9k in liquid cash, let’s just have a little fun.
What I realized this past weekend is that my bankroll serves as a metaphor for my life. I have plateaued. I have an amazing life, don’t get me wrong, and I’m quite happy with it. The problem is that I have stagnated, and for the past several months, I haven’t experienced many new things, met many new people, or really done anything terribly exciting. I’ve just lived my life. That’s not really who I am.
As a result of this realization, I decided today that I was going to get back onto the horse, so to speak. I have always had a laundry list of things I have wanted to do like learning to play the piano, learning salsa dancing, finishing my novel, and much more. I want to complete my list within the next ten years, and I want to retire within the five years after that. Despite this amazing windfall of motivation, however, I recognize that I need to ease myself back into the state of mind I was once in. If I don’t, I will inevitably become overwhelmed and lose that motivation.
I’ve decided to start with exercise and poker. I deposited $8500 of my bankroll into my savings today so I wouldn’t touch it and started with the remaining $285, as I had many months ago. This start, I decided, would force me to stick to the system I had developed and rebuild my bankroll since I no longer have that 9k of liquid cash. I want my bankroll to be back up to $9000 within 3 months, by December 17th. In order to do this, I have set a target of making $900 per week at the tables. Additionally, I want to lose 20 pounds by my birthday, October 26th. This will put me back to my ideal healthy weight. In order to do this, I’ve adopted an hour a day cardio regimen which includes running, biking, and cardio weight training.
I will continue to add things to the list of what I am doing, and I will regularly post updates.
I will post my running daily bankroll and weekly weight loss statuses on this blog. There are a couple reasons I am doing this. I want to keep myself motivated, and sharing my journey with others helps me do that. Also, I hope to maybe motivate others to begin self improvement journeys of their own. I hope to build a community of close dedicated people who share the same state of mind and help motivate each other to grow and improve. This is a good start.
I also want to share the knowledge and experiences I have developed over the past several years of my life, aside from all the stuff I’ve shared about women. As such, I will include a tidbit with every status update I post. My first update and thought are below. Enjoy, and feel free to comment!
Thought of the Day
It’s difficult to find reasons to do things. Why should I get better at poker? Why should I lose weight? I mean, really, if it requires so much effort, what’s the point? The Buddhists would scoff at what I am about to tell you, but then again, I am not a big fan of Buddhist philosophy. The real trouble is that we shouldn’t need a reason to begin with. Desire should be enough. I’m going to get better at poker because I want to. I’m going to lose weight because I want to. That’s it.
I find that my quality of life has dramatically improved when I stopped seeking motivation to do things and realized that the motivation was already there. I do not need any reason to do something other than my own desire, and I do not accept any reason other than my own desire. This makes me happier, and it allows me to have the drive to accomplish much more. I forgot that over the past few months and kept asking myself why I should do things. With the beginning of my journey today, I hope to reinvigorate my desires and once again be cosumed by that drive to experience life.