I’ve spent a great deal of time on this website explaining techniques to attract women. Even if you manage to become a veritable Don Juan of game, however, you will not necessarily be able to sustain a loving long term relationship, if that is what you are truly after. All sorts of relationship advice sources have attempted to provide frustrated lovers with solutions for managing relationships and dealing with their partners. I hate to be the bearer of bad news, well actually I love it, but if you cannot manage your relationship, then you shouldn’t be in it in the first place. The biggest problem with relationships is not a lack of attraction, not that people are impossible to please, not some mind blowing sexual secret, and not even communication. No, it’s something much more fundamental than that.
The biggest problem with relationships is dishonesty. What exactly does this entail? The reality is that most people do not have the courage to be honest with themselves or their partners. They do things they don’t want to in order to please their partners, they change their personalities in order to be more accommodating, and they act differently in order to appear more attractive. Then they finally get the big moment, when the person of their dreams tells them they love them.
Well, that’s fantastic and all, but here’s the rub; your significant other didn’t fall in love with you. He/she fell in love with the person you were pretending to be. You can’t maintain that facade forever, and that’s when your relationship will come crumbling down. Lies, games, and such things are great for getting people into bed, but they do not build the foundations of strong lasting relationships.
The inevitable journey which follows after that grand moment of affection and vulnerability is one of painful discovery. That person begins to see that you really aren’t who they thought you were. You now feel safe, though, because you have their “love,” which was the point of being that person, right? Sorry to say, but you probably should have taken some lessons from every teen comedy ever made. You are never safe in a relationship which is predicated on a false presumption of who you are.
When I tell people this, they often ask me what the solution is. You can’t date someone until you know them well enough, but don’t you date people to get to know them? That’s exactly the problem. Particularly in American culture, people live under this fantasy that casual dating is the beginning of a relationship. Dating should never be casual.
Let me ask you this, what’s the point of casual dating? To get to know somebody? Why do you have to be under the added pressures of a committed relationship to do that? Why would you tie yourself down to one person if you don’t have strong feelings for them? A relationship should have more value than we prescribe to it. You should be ready to commit to a particular person fully before you even decide to be exclusive. Otherwise, just focus on having fun. Date a lot of people without being exclusive. Don’t be afraid to leave yourself open to the possibility of developing strong affections, but recognize that love and commitment cannot be cheapened. You should really be willing to give somebody the opportunity to be your soul mate before you become exclusive.
You are only doing yourself a disservice if this is not the case. If you do not have strong affections for somebody, then you should allow yourself to test the waters regularly, as it were.