Why I Am Me….All The Fucking Time


Lately, several people, in their apparently infinite wisdom and understanding of human behavior, have been pointing out that the way I talk and act around others is seemingly “rude” or “rowdy.” Shockingly enough, when these same people are removed from a public situation or have their inhibitions removed by some substance, they behave and talk very similarly to how I do regularly. This is very peculiar to me not only because of the blatant double standard but also because the way I do things seems to be working phenomenally well, and the way people around me do things seems to be working very badly. In fact, I cannot think of anyone I know who has similarly healthy, genuine, consistent, and drama free relationships as I do. The reason for this is because of the way I talk and behave, honestly and openly.

The conflation of rudeness and honesty, double standards, and lying to oneself are predominant problems in the social lives of American youth. I thought I ought to take the time to address the issue of exactly what it means to be rude and offensive, and why I choose to be myself, honest and blunt, at all given times.

Let’s take a perfectly common example. If a woman catches me checking her out, and she points it out, I will not try to come up with a clever response or avoid the confrontation. I will simply respond with a “Yes, I was.” How is she going to respond? Surprisingly, most women will just ask “Why?” and I will respond by saying “Because you’re hot.” Where does the conversation go from there? I would like someone to explain to me why it’s rude to call a woman hot. It is a compliment on her appearance, which she clearly puts some time and effort into. I do not understand why this is rude. If a woman said I was hot, I would not be offended, and yet, men are reluctant to comment on a woman’s appearance, and they chastise me for doing so. Coincidentally, these same people spend their time objectifying women and talking about them like sexual objects in their private conversations. This boggles my mind.

How about racial stereotypes? A group of white people will sit in a room and make black jokes over a couple beers regularly. Yet, if there’s a black person in the room, no such racial commentary will ever be uttered. Why? I’ve made black jokes in front of black people, used the “N word,” and even criticized prominent civil rights activists. I have yet to be shot, beaten up, or mugged. Quite to the contrary, people find honesty refreshing. They do not enjoy being treated like victims, and they do not enjoy the feeling that someone is not being themselves.  Not only that, they are more than aware of the stereotypes revolving around their race. If they understand that you see these stereotypes as stupid and humorous, they will not be offended. They are more insulted when you treat them like ignorant idiots and pretend that they don’t have more active melanin than you do. They will realize that these stereotypes are just the same to you as they are to them. I know it’s a crazy concept to understand, but being open about humor and important issues may not be as bad as we all make it out to be.

We have a tendency to treat two faced people as virtuous. People who put on a nice or kind front in public in order to be perceived in a better light are not to be praised. They should be chastised for being dishonest. The even worse consequence of this moral system we have developed is that everyone becomes the same. If our behaviors in public are predicated upon some concept of what it is to be “normal” then there is no point to human interaction. We may as well just be robots programmed on a particular set of behaviors.

Genuine human interaction does not occur at the level of manners and social platitudes.

Let’s take a moment and step away from the less humorous examples. Sure, I have hit on a lot of waitresses, commented on a lot of hipster clothing, told a lot of racist jokes, and many other things in public. None of these have yet resulted in a negative consequence for me. Let’s talk about friendships. I have maybe 3 or 4 genuinely close friends in my life. Yet, I have many people I talk to and socialize with regularly, and I have a vibrant social life. The reason for this is because I do not change who I am in front of anybody. My friendships are genuine, predicated upon trust and honesty. I do not lie to my friends. I am very kind to them, I take care of them, and I am ready to take a bullet for them at any time. Not only that, I know that they would be willing to do the same.

I see others around me who seem to have very large social circles and many people whom they call friends. Yet, they will talk about them behind their backs. Their behavior in front of one friend is completely different than in front of another, and they become bitter as soon as a little bit of money comes between them. These relationships cannot be described as friendships. They are not predicated upon honesty, but rather lies and false conceptions. These so called friendships are not only transient, but they cause more grief and problems in a person’s life than they do happiness.

On an even more serious note, I do not pity handicapped people or victims of abuse. Most people think it’s a good idea to treat them like victims and tread carefully during conversation with them. I have met many such people, and I am fairly close with a few them. None of them appreciate being pitied or treated like victims. It doesn’t help them get over their emotional turmoil or deal with their handicap to treat them like they are different or deficient. The reality is that, if a person has been handicapped from birth, their life is perfectly normal to them because they have nothing to compare it to. The only time they feel like there is something wrong with them is when people who think pity is an act of kindness decide to treat them like they are deficient.

It is not meritorious to be two-faced. It will not help you in life to try to please people or give them what you think they want. It will only cause you pain and trouble. I have a career position that I thoroughly enjoy, which I am leaving for an even better career offer I just received. I have a wonderful, beautiful, and committed girlfriend of one and a half years whom all my friends and people I spend time with also adore (more than I can say about some other girlfriends). I have my own place, my own car, and wonderful close friends who I know would give their lives for me. I am a 20 year old MA, published author, and owner of my own company.

I do not attribute my social and life successes to any of the traditional things like hard work or natural talent. Why? Because there are plenty of talented people who work hard and are miserable. My successes, professionally and personally, are a direct result of my open and honest behavior. I am a breath of fresh air to anyone who meets me. I am genuine and uninhibited. I am consistent and unyielding. These qualities are not offensive, contrary to common belief. They are very attractive to employers, women, and everyone else.

I do not hurt people, nor do I insult them; it is just very tragic that honesty is perceived as insult sometimes. In fact, I am very kind and helpful to my friends and those close to me, despite never lying to them to spare their feelings. If I tell you that you made a stupid decision, that is not the same as me calling you stupid. I am very self aware, and I have a tremendous grasp on how people behave and why they behave that way. I do not engage with people who I dislike and who cause problems in my life, unless there is some potential for me entertaining myself 😛

Many of you are going to read this post and just think that I am an asshole, and I’m gloating. I assure you, that’s not it. My self-awareness gives me a wonderfully secure sense of self (for the most part), and I do not have a need to prove myself to anyone.

My goal is to inspire people to act honestly, to have genuine human interactions. We are not robots, and to construct our behaviors based upon rules which don’t even have a reasonable basis in anything does great violence to the very special parts of us that make us human.

 Take A Look at Your Own Self

So before the next time you criticize someone for being honest, open, and just saying what’s on their mind, take some time to think and reflect. What part of your life is better as a result of the two faced way you do things? How much good has it done you to not tell that girl walking by that she looks great? What benefit does it gain you to pretend like your friend isn’t black? Or gay? Does it make your life easier to have to act differently in front of nearly every person you meet? Or is it taxing and distracting? How productive would you be if you didn’t try to deal with people you don’t get along with?

I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I am pretty fucking incredible. The way I live my life is amazing, being in a position where I can literally do as I want when I want (with the exception of absurd things like buying my own island; that’ll be a couple more years). I assure you that meaningless social platitudes and norms do not get you anywhere in life. Regardless of the metric you use to measure yourself and other people (whether it’s happiness, social success, financial success, moral virtue, or anything else), it will never be helped by hiding who you really are in some misguided attempt not to offend people.

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